


l8 out

by flannypack



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Bottom Choi Beomgyu, Choi Beomgyu Is Bad At Feelings, Comfort/Angst, M/M, Soft Choi Soobin, Top Choi Soobin, Unhealthy Relationships, cigarette smoking baddie Choi Beomgyu, hopeless romantic Choi Soobin, period lmfao and he refuses to get better at them!!!, sort of??, theyre both bad lets be honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25116217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flannypack/pseuds/flannypack
Summary: Soobin conceded with Yeonjun, he would be so much better off just going to sleep when he and Beomgyu were done. He’d be impervious to the little things Beomgyu did, oblivious to the door opening and closing with a gutting finality, and immune to the fading smell of cigarette smoke and Beomgyu’s sweet cologne. There must’ve been something sick deep inside Soobin, surely, something mangled by the dishonest jaws of hope, that made him keep his eyes open for every second of Beomgyu’s unfailingly painful departures.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	l8 out

It was late. Like, only a few hours until the sun came back up type of late. The kind of three-o’clock-in-the-morning late that made Soobin’s head feel like a boulder and had him wishing he wasn’t still awake. 

But he was always awake when Beomgyu said goodbye for the night. 

Soobin didn’t have the strength anymore to ask himself why he did that—waited for Beomgyu to pull their bodies apart, get a washcloth from under Soobin’s bathroom sink, slowly wipe up what was left of another Friday night, then pull back on his clothes and leave, all saturated with deliberation and generosity as if that would make up for the final step of the ritual that always came. 

Soobin wasn’t strong enough, and sure as hell wasn’t brave enough, to question why he watched Beomgyu getting ready to leave every time—down to the way Beomgyu gargled some water and lit a cigarette—then let his dry eyes linger on Beomgyu’s pretty silhouette as he walked out the door.

Soobin conceded with Yeonjun, he would be so much better off just going to sleep when he and Beomgyu were done. He’d be impervious to the little things Beomgyu did, oblivious to the door opening and closing with a gutting finality, and immune to the fading smell of cigarette smoke and Beomgyu’s sweet cologne. There must’ve been something sick deep inside Soobin, surely, something mangled by the dishonest jaws of hope, that made him keep his eyes open for every second of Beomgyu’s unfailingly painful departures. 

So here he was again, after Kai had confirmed he’d be sleeping over at Yeonjun’s for the night, giving Soobin the ashamed greenlight to suggest Beomgyu come over. 

Soobin’s lips were swollen and bitten, and every part of his body felt sweaty, aching with use and worked at full capacity. Beomgyu was such a fierce, fiery whirlwind of passion, and he scored every bit of it onto Soobin’s body, and it left Soobin so breathless every time. Beomgyu had already carefully slid off of Soobin and gotten the damp washcloth, but apparently decided to be patient that night, and was much more picky about how he dabbed up all the exchanged fluids and sweat and spit. 

Soobin’s head was propped up uncomfortably on top of some pillows, his body laid out along the bed, but as he watched Beomgyu in his ministrations above him, he remembered why it felt like everything else besides Beomgyu seemed to disappear when they were together. His head haloed by the lights behind him, Beomgyu looked like an angel. 

After a long, drawn-out period of silence, besides the calming of breaths, the trickle of water, and the padding of footsteps back to the bed, Beomgyu said his first coherent words since a couple of hours prior. 

He griped with a playful tilt to his lips, “I guess I shouldn’t have been so messy with the lube.” 

Soobin’s stomach was starting to feel too heavy to laugh, so he tried at a small smile. He didn’t want Beomgyu to leave again, but he knew Beomgyu didn’t want to hear him say it. He was sure what he desperately wanted radiated off of him like heat off a blacktop, and that annoyed Beomgyu enough. But Soobin saw more stars when the other boy whispered fondly at nothing in particular than when they were having sex, truly, and Soobin learned sex with Beomgyu was more addictive than anything else in the whole world. 

There was that invisible force, again, that kept his eyes open throughout every single departure. That invisible force that drew Soobin to cover one of Beomgyu’s hands with his own, and let the smile slowly slip from his face. 

The other boy paused, and Soobin watched as tension rippled across his shoulders. Something in him dried his throat up in quick regret, but it was snuffed by the rupture of aggravation. Beomgyu was allowed to bullshit like this, pretend he gave a shit about how he cleaned up the cum off Soobin’s body, and then feel affronted by how Soobin genuinely felt. 

“Hey,” Beomgyu said, the softness in his voice quickly replaced by a far-off tone that felt on the verge of a dog’s warning growl. 

It hurt, and Soobin was scared. He pushed his luck every time his eyes lingered with too much of that doughy, open softness, much less when he grew a pair long enough to stop being complacent for five seconds. 

He didn’t think he could help it. 

Beomgyu’s hand felt so betraying under Soobin’s palm. 

“Come on,” Soobin tried to reason, his voice cracking, “I just want to touch you.” 

Beomgyu yanked his hand away, then, with a barely subdued flame of annoyance glinting behind his eyes. He could’ve torn a chunk out of Soobin’s heart. 

“Bullshit. I swear to God, Soobin, you do this every time—” 

“I don’t—” 

“You  _ know _ how this is supposed to work and then you act like a kicked puppy when I try to keep things that way. You want a boyfriend so bad, then find one.” 

Soobin pushed himself upright when Beomgyu slid off the bed and marched to the bathroom to throw the washcloth in the sink and slap off the lights. The bedroom was plunged into a deeper darkness, the last light left on in the entire apartment being the ones by the entryway, which barely trickled in through Soobin’s cracked door. 

Soobin’s gut was curling into a knot, the dryness of tears that threatened to escape bleeding into all of his senses. 

“Beomie, I don’t-I don’t want a boyfriend, I just—” 

“Want me, I know,” Beomgyu cut in, gathering up his things in a rush. He yanked back on his sweats and fished around in his pockets until he found his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

Soobin hung his legs over the side of the bed and set his feet on the ground, as if he were actually going to stand up, but he knew and Beomgyu knew he’d stayed stuck in that spot until the very last of Beomgyu walked out the front door. 

“Why do you act like this, like you’re deathly allergic to the prospect of just staying one night?” Soobin pleaded, his fingers knotting together in his lap in a hapless attempt to refocus the hot rush of sorrow bubbling up in his chest. 

After lighting his cigarette, Beomgyu took a long drag, then held the cig in between his slender fingers as he searched around for his jacket. Soobin always adored the way Beomgyu held his cigarettes, perching them so elegantly in between his fingers like he was a lady in a film noir. Soobin couldn’t help how painfully he followed Beomgyu’s hands with his eyes as he moved them around, even as his lip trembled and his vision began to blur. 

“Because it’s never just about ‘staying the night’ with you, Soobin. It never has been and I don’t think it was going to be tonight. I told you how I felt about all that stuff, can’t you keep it reigned the fuck in?” 

“I’m trying! But you, you treated me so gently, I-I didn’t know what to do with myself!” 

“Oh, grow  _ up _ !” Beomgyu spat, stopping to jab a finger in Soobin’s direction after taking another drag. Smoke unfurled from his nose as he spoke. 

“You’re almost twenty, you should be able to differentiate between courtesy and some grand romantic gesture, you moron.  _ God _ , you’re embarrassing! Where the fuck is my jacket.” 

Soobin made the aborted attempt to try and bite back how hard the tears started to fall, but his head felt like it was ballooning with scalding pressure, and every part of him just felt too red-hot to focus his energy in any one place. As Soobin began to shake with a sob, Beomgyu scoffed and snatched up his jacket when he finally found it pushed into the crevice between the end of Soobin’s bed and the baseboard. 

“I’m gonna stop seeing you if this keeps happening,” Beomgyu hissed, making it over to Soobin’s door and looking over his shoulder. 

“You’ve already said that before but you always come back anyway,” Soobin wetly hissed back, scowling at the way that thought alone kicked up so much commotion in his heart. 

Beomgyu glowered and pointed another finger at Soobin. 

“Stop texting me, Choi Soobin! I’m gonna file a fucking restraining order!” 

Soobin yelled through his tears, his voice thick with spit and grief. 

“Just leave, Beomgyu! Get out!”

With one last glare, Beomgyu shoved his cigarette between his lips and opened the door the rest of the way, not looking back again before slamming it shut behind him. 

**Author's Note:**

> my art instagram @ flanelltees ! please give it a follow~


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